"I'll Show You How to Live"

I heard the sound of your first breath
a brand new life on your mother’s chest,
a beating heart, expectant eyes,
on the first day of your life.

I saw you take your first step
and I watched you run with no regret,
to chase your dreams and find true love
and the best is yet to come.

So come with Me,
I'll show you life
even better than this.
Come with Me,
I'll show you love
you didn’t know could exist.
Better than your first crush,
better than your first kiss,
I'll show you how to live.

Remember how you felt from across the room
when you realized someone had eyes for you?
And the way your heart sang 'cause you believed
you were worth something.

So come with Me,
I'll show you life
even better than this.
Come with Me,
I'll show you love
you didn’t know could exist.
Better than your first crush,
better than your first kiss,
I'll show you how to live.
Oh, I'll show you how to live.

'Cause I created your heart
that makes you feel.
I am the love that makes it real.

Oh, I am the One, I'm the One, I'm the One
I am the One, I'm the One, I'm the One

So come with Me,
I'll show you life
even better than this.
Come with Me,
I'll show you love
you didn’t know could exist.
Better than your first crush,
better than your first kiss,
I'll show you how to live.

Oh, I am the One, I'm the One, I'm the One
I am the One, I'm the One, I'm the One
~Sanctus Real

Sloppy Kisses

You gave me two big kisses last night when I picked you up from the babysitter (aka Nana Pauletta). It took me by surprise! I picked you up and you leaned in and gave me two big open mouth drool kisses ... best thing ever!! I only wish there was a camera on hand to have captured that moment - but I know there will be plenty more to come!

You also have become a pro at pulling yourself up and standing. It's been so much fun to watch. We have a gate and you pulled yourself up and you got upset because you couldn't go anywhere or do anything else and you started to cry and from the other side of the gate it looked like you were stuck in jail! So cute!

Last night you found a shipping box, you flipped it over a few times and then you began to walk/push it around the dinner table.

I can't wait to get home from class tonight and get some more sloppy kisses and watch you move!

I <3 You, ECT.

Creepin Crawl

You are a mess ... you crawl all over the place, not really sure what you're looking for. Finding things along the way (mainly dog toys and bones) that make you think you've reached a goal. You only goal really is just to find things that will fit in your mouth for chewing purposes. My shoes, books, your toys, the dog's toys. I've begun to rearrange and move things around - I knew that day would eventually come, good thing I'm done with work so now I can really rearrange.

One of your favorite spots is the coffee table ... it has spaces between the bottom shelves .... you loooove crawling through those holes - or trying to.

On top of trying to get into everything that comes across your path, you're desperately trying to figure out how to stand up. You get up on your tippy-toes, but you just can't figure out how to get your hands off the ground so you can stand! So you get soooo frustrated!

Then ... don't even get me started on how clingy you are!! LOL ... it's cute, but can take a toll on me... For example (and I have to watch how often I do this with you because I really don't want to start any "bad" behaviors in you) but I set you down right by your dad and turned to go to the store and you had a melt-down. When I turned around and saw the look on your face - it said "Why are you leaving me?!". You grab onto my shirt and won't let go. I have to say, it fills my heart with pride when you refuse to go to anyone else, but it also takes a toll on me when you won't go to anyone else. It's a love/hate relationship!

I'm so excited for our upcoming adventures together now that I have more time free. Once I get past these 30 hours of observation, it'll be me and you baby everyday!!

Love you ECT.

6 months have passed....

I can't comprehend where the last six months have gone. I don't understand how you have gotten so big, how you've developed so much.

You are 6 months old...

**ok technically you've still got a few days, but I've got time to blog now and may not then :D ...**

The little things you do just astound me, grabbing your toes - you're not too big on eating them, but you do try :) - rolling constantly, working so hard to move, you constantly want to jump, you giggle and laugh all the time, gosh Ethan, everything about you just makes me happy and fills me with so much pride and joy. I didn't realize I didn't know what that meant or truly how it felt until I had you.

My heart swells when people talk about you and how awesome you are. People constantly ask me - what did you do?? - all I can answer is - we let him be himself and got lucky! - It's true, I'm not always sure I'm being the "correct" mom, but the mom I am sure has worked out beautifully! I listen to you and your needs instead of forcing things on you and it's been a great ride.

I can tell you'll be an adventurer, you already desperately desire to be into everything! I'm excited for that first moment when you can move freely on your own, just to see what it is you want to get into so badly!

I really thank God for you because you have brought so much light into our world. I love you ECT.

Working vs Stay-At-Home

I don't care what your father says about me having to work. If I could choose, I'd spend every day with you. I love it even more now that you're active and playful. We roll on the floor together, bounce up and down. I'm totally loving it. I feel like everyday spent away from you I miss out on something. I'm so excited you rolled over when I was with you. I was terrified I'd miss this amazing moment in your growth. I also feel like you respond to me more now that I'm always with you. Maybe that's just me though....

I just continue to pray that when we move, Dad will be paid more than enough that I can stay home.... It's not like I really bring much in now anyways, but it stinks that money is so tight for us. I don't want you to grow up like that. I want you to be financially secure in the sense that we're not constantly scraping for funds. I do have to say, God has always provided for us, we've never been without when we needed something. I don't desire the things of the world, but I do desire to not have to worry when the next time I can grocery shop will be.

Sorry if this entry is such a downer, I really didn't mean it to be ... it's just this scenario has really been on my heart a lot lately and I wish I knew how to fix it for us, but it boils down to I can't have cake and pie, I have to choose.

I love you ECT.

My Selfish Heart

I've been a bad mother and I did it so I wouldn't hurt. I pushed you away because I thought "maybe if I don't spend time with you, I won't be attached, then when I go to work I won't feel so bad about leaving you". I was telling myself that you didn't know me because I was always working and never with you anymore. I lied to myself to keep me from hurting and in turn I hurt you.

Yet, when I realized that I was being selfish and was essentially hurting you more, you took me back with open arms. You accept me with all my fears, faults, and failures with your simple, yet beautiful smile.

Ethan Clyde, I truly love you more than you can imagine. Nothing will ever change that. I'm sorry for my selfish heart. I still don't want to leave you and I hate the fact that I will have to get a second job to bring in money for us, but I do it for you. Don't ever stop smiling at me.

3 Months

You are 3 months old today. I can't believe how much life has changed in those three months.

We went from a two person family doing as we pleased, to a three person family with our lives - especially mine - revolving around you.

That first month I'd spend every waking moment with you - and pretty much every sleeping moment as well. It got to the point where I had to say no and make your dad keep you for awhile so he could get used to doing things for you as well and I could catch some real sleep every now and then.

By the second month we had a routine down. You were able to sleep in your crib, you were on an eating schedule - 4 times a day and maybe once during the night. We took you out places and could feel a little more free with you. You began talking to us. You smiled whenever we talked to you. You found your hands and they found your tongue. You learned to laugh.

I can't begin to explain the joy you've brought our household. Your father and I find ourselves laughing in the middle of an argument because you decided to speak up. We find joy in the little things you do.

People already brag about you. I try to keep my head small from it all, but it's hard to not feel so much pride about how you're such a great baby. It makes having another child scary because what if they aren't as easy as you? We've truly been blessed by you Ethan Taylor. I pray that you can continue to bless those around you as you grow older.