Reflection of God

I had a test to take for my certification this last weekend. Usually with standardized tests I have 30 mins left over. That was the case with this test as well. Unfortunately I was not allowed to bring any other materials than pencils and a pen. Fortunately I was nudged by the Holy Spirit to spend that time doing something I so often forget - Pray.

While praying I reflected on you and my relationship with you. I thought about how you are in a difficult stage of life because you're testing all your limits to see where our boundaries as your parents lay. I thought about how all I want sometimes is for you to give me a hug, a kiss, or even just to look at me and you choose not to do these things. Then I thought about how that rang so true with my own relationship with God. How much I am just like a toddler.

All God wants from us is a relationship with Him. He desires our love for Him just like I desire your love for me. I laugh to myself because yet again, my wonderful year and half old son, you have taught me about God.

I love you ECT, never stop teaching me and showing me God in you.

The Best Part of Parenting

is seeing pure joy in your child's face ...

Sleep Patterns

While we were on The Mail Box Store retreat, you decided you didn't want to nap like you usually do - about three times a day. You only napped once, after lunch. I was shocked, mainly because you handled the one nap time so well. It also made me happy, you're always one step ahead of me, lol. I was planning on restructuring your day once the new year hit so that you only took one nap a day anyways. I figured it'd be the perfect time because I'd be student teaching so you'd have a set time to be at Nana's house and picked up at a usual time.

Things had been going pretty well, although I found out the last few days you've been taking two naps a day, which was thrown off your night sleeping. Having you in the same room as us keeps me more alerted to you I think. Just you sleeping in general has. I sleep so lightly now that it's like I'm just waiting on you to move or make a noise.

When you wake up at night, or if you're not quite ready for bed at night, you've created this habit of hitting your head against the wall - not sure who taught you that one, but you find it hilarious.

I love the nights you get slap happy, you are so funny. You know if you stop you'll pass out so you do whatever you can to keep moving. You get so silly that anyone watching you can't do anything but play and be goofy with you back. I love it.

November Weekends

Already this month has been crazy and we haven't quite made it to the halfway mark. Last weekend we had a marriage retreat so you stayed with Aunt Aly and Aunt Kristen. This weekend we're going to Miami for our LAM interviews, you're staying with Gamma and Paupau Taylor. Next weekend we're going to Lake Williamson with The Mail Box Store crew for a work retreat and Holiday's party - but that weekend trip you get to spend with us. Then it's Thanksgiving and then it'll be December and time for Christmas.

On top of all these trips, we've been packing and moving and storing our stuff so that we could move into the Wagner's basement. I feel like there's been no time to really spend with you, so every moment I have alone that I get extra, I take it. Yes that has included skipping class a few times - so please if I ever get on your case in college about this (we'll talk about you doing it in high school!) remind me of how I was in college!!

One of my favorite times to soak up is in the morning - you have made waking up more bearable than I ever imagined it would be. I love coming into your room and tickling you or scratching/rubbing your back to wake you up and to see that dazed look on your face as you try and figure out what the heck is going on! It's my time to spend with you one on one, we talk and giggle, depending on how you slept and time you went to bed you may be more cranky than usual. You never forget to remind me to grab your buddy (your penguin blanket) and you usually like to just sit in my lap for a few minutes (as long as I'm not running late) in the car before we strap in and head out. Of course, you always break a piece of my heart when you leap out of my arms to Pauletta's when we get to her house, but you never fail to at least give me hug or two, and occasionally a kiss. I'm usually okay with it though because I get my kiss before we leave after I've strapped you in.

It's hard to be a working mom, because I want to spend every waking moment with you. But it's also hard to keep you entertained when we are together, especially since one of the main ways you enjoy life is by being chased. I'm not sure what LAM holds in our future down in Costa Rica ... maybe I can be more of a stay-at-home mom, but I also wonder about my calling as a Missionary - always have wondered this since I first felt the call from God in 2004 - and it's simply: what is my call as a missionary?

Ethan, I can't wait for you to begin to experience life at it's fullest, and I've already been preparing myself for you as an older child and how to introduce God to you and His plans for our lives. I hope you can one day understand this and always remember it.

I love you son. You are my world.

"Meant to Be"

Ethan Clyde, I pray that if there is ever a day when you question your existence that God reminds you that you were meant to be and that you have a purpose (even if He may not be revealing it to you right then).

"Long before you drew your first breath
a dream was coming true.
God wanted to give a gift to the world
so He wrapped it up in you.

Every step that you've taken,
every move that you make
is part of His plan.

You were meant to be touching
the lives that you touch.
And meant to be here
making this world so much more
than it would be without you in it.
You were meant to be bringing
the gifts that you bring
and singing the songs
you've been given to sing.
You are perfectly, wonderfully,
beautifully meant to be.
You were meant to be.

Long before you took your first fall
you stumbled to the ground.
God started telling the story of you
to the angels all around.
Every failure and victory,
everything in between.
It's all in His hands.

You were meant to be touching
the lives that you touch.
And meant to be here
making this world so much more
than it would be without you in it.
You were meant to be bringing
the gifts that you bring
and singing the songs
you've been given to sing.
You are perfectly, wonderfully,
beautifully meant to be.
You were meant to be.

For every breath that your taking
and every move that you make,
it's a meaningful life you've been given
- Live it well!

You were meant to be touching
the lives that you touch.
And meant to be here
making this world so much more
than it would be without you in it.
You were meant to be bringing
the gifts that you bring
and singing the songs
you've been given to sing.
You are perfectly, wonderfully,
beautifully meant to be.
You were meant to be."
~Steven Curtis Chapman

1 year, 1 week

I was looking at your 1 week pictures (blog post) and remembering how awesome that first week of life was with you. The thing I miss the most, is cuddling you on my chest so you would sleep. My favorite, funny moment was falling asleep with my mouth on your head and drooling all over you. The thing I don't miss is the lack of sleep from waking up every four hours to feed you (oh and the nursing, while it was nice to know you were getting everything that you needed completely that way, it was really not as enjoyable as I thought it would be).

The thing I love the most about you know is your handsome smile, not the "not showing my teeth" (which is funny because your Grandpa Milligan does that smile and I used to when I was in middle school) but your "I'm so happy I can't keep my mouth closed" smile. My favorite, funny moment I love now is watching you play and run around ... and some of the faces you make and things you do, it just makes me wonder "what is going through your head!" The thing I won't miss is the face hitting. For whatever reason, you enjoy "clapping" my face with open palms and even with toys in your hands. You've knocked my glasses off my face a few times and have hit me pretty good. Yep, won't miss that one bit :)

This last year with you has been such a joy and I can't wait for many more. I'm excited for us to go to Costa Rica and excited to see you learn and grow in the Lord from this experience like we are.

I love you ECT ... You make my world shine brighter!

"The One You Need"

It was written by Shane&Shane, dad to daughter so I changed the persons around to fit Ethan and me.

"Hey, hey, sweet (son)
I am so proud to be your (mother)
Each day's like a gift from God.
Hey hey sweet (son)
There's no music like your laughter
And your smile is like a rising sun.

You know I've loved you from the start
So come in close, take my hand
While (mommy) shares (her) heart.

I wish that I could be your everything
Be the one that gives you all the things you need
Sometimes I am gonna let you down
But there is One, if you just believe,
He'll be your hero like He's always been for me.
(Buddy), Jesus is the one you need.

No matter what you walk through
He will always love you
Just the way you are.
For there's nothing in this world
That I want for my baby (boy)
That you be happy ever after.

The story of your life is still untold.
I pray the King of all the universe
would make your heart His home.

I wish that I could be your everything.
Be the one that gives you all the things you need,
Sometimes I'm gonna let you down.
But there is One, if you just believe,
He'll be your hero like He's always been for me.
(Buddy), Jesus is the one...

Who will never leave, He's been there all along
Oh, when you're ready, you can find the Lord

I wish that I could be your everything.
Be the one that gives you all the things you need,
Sometimes I'm gonna let you down.
But there is One, if you just believe,
He'll be your hero like He's always been for me.
(Buddy), Jesus is the one you need."