Teaching You to be ....

What am I teaching you to be? I struggle with this concept a lot. The way I am as a mother - will it lead you in the direction I would want my son to be - the type of man your father is?

I feel like I'm doing a lot of things differently then how my parents raised me - which is what I wanted. Not to say they didn't raise me right or well, there's just differences in things we believe in (not referring to spiritual things necessarily either).

Your dad sometimes tells me I'm being too nice, too lenient. I see it as I'm trying to explain things to you so that you can understand why I do what I do. Of course, there are moments when your cry tugs on that mommy heart string and I cave in to cuddling you and letting you stay up. (None of us ever win when this happens - we're all crabs in the morning :P).

I love how excited you are when bedtime comes to read your bible story. How you get all up close, with your nose in the book. This is how I pray you will always be when it comes to God and your relationship with Him. I love the fact that when we sit to eat (unless you are a starvin' marvin) you automatically bow you head and fold your heads and you get a cute huffy attitude if someone is taking too long to do the same. Even if you're starving and ready to eat, a simple "what do we do first" reminder sets you in place with your head bowed and hands folded. So while I feel like we have the spiritual side down pat - at least for now - I just hope that the rest of my parenting is falling in place.

I feel blessed to be living at the Wagner's house during this time to get the experience  of raising your children to know what it means to have a relationship with God. This was never something that was discussed or explained to me growing up - I had to figure this out on my own (not alone, I had a lot of help outside the house though!) And it's not just knowing how to have a relationship with God, but what makes you a godly woman (or in your case, a godly man). The way you search for answers now in your precious toddler life, I hope you continue to have that enthusiasm as you get older. Never stop searching for God in everyday life. Never stop searching for His will in your life. He will always provide an answer, a way, that open door - it just may not be when you expect it to be.

A piece of advice, a reminder more so than anything ...

This life will never be about what you want until all you want is God's desires for you to rise up in your soul.

I love you son,
Mom

Advice

I wanted this blog to journal my journey with you, but also to be a place to give you my advice for life. I've wanted it to be a place where I could share with you my life and my feelings in case anything ever happened to me before you could really know me or even after you're all grown up and you need that loving reminder from mom about how much I truly love you. Most importantly, I wanted it to be a place where God could use me and my words to remind you of His love for you and guidance for your life.

We're taking you to the Shriner's hospital in July to have a look at your legs. They are somewhat bowed and your feet turn inward some. While it's adorable as you sit because you automatically cross your legs, it's worrisome because it's a Taylor family trait and I don't want you to have issues in the future. We were told that it would eventually work itself it as you begin walking, and while it hasn't worsened any since you've been walking it hasn't gotten better either. I worry for you because most likely you will have to wear braces on your legs, or even have a cast to reset bones which means you'll be immobile for quite some time. You are a very independent child, so I wonder about what this will mean for you in that sense. I guess this is another reason God has held us here in the States for a bit longer. :)

You've been in a feisty stage lately. A lot of this has to do with you wanting to be independent, but also it comes out when you're crabby. You start to hit and bite because you are so frustrated. It's a learning process because we're trying to teach you how to use your words instead of fighting for what you want, but even if you do use your words and the answer is "no" you still get upset and fight. We're trying hard to help you understand the difference between yes and no, especially when you use it. For example, when you're in trouble after you come out of time out we try and talk to you about it and ask "do we climb up the stairs?" Sometimes you'll answer (usually "no, no, no, no") and other times we have to prompt you. I don't think you understand what you usually say though, especially when we prompt with "yes or no" because you usually repeat the last part said.

You've also been sleeping quite a lot, I'm not sure if you're teething - you're constantly wanting to chew on things - or just growing - you're already pretty tall for your age. This means you're extra cranky, especially if you don't get down to bed at your usual times. Although, no matter what you still try to do whatever you can to stay awake unless you are pretty much strapped down (i.e. cuddle time or in the car seat!)

I love experiencing life with you. Yesterday, Erica and I took you to Forest Park and we went out on the paddle boats. You were having such a good time pointing out the ducks and trying to steer. It's so refreshing to see you as you learn and enjoy the simple parts of life. It helps me to remember to do the same.

I love you kiddo.
~Mom

Reflection of God

I had a test to take for my certification this last weekend. Usually with standardized tests I have 30 mins left over. That was the case with this test as well. Unfortunately I was not allowed to bring any other materials than pencils and a pen. Fortunately I was nudged by the Holy Spirit to spend that time doing something I so often forget - Pray.

While praying I reflected on you and my relationship with you. I thought about how you are in a difficult stage of life because you're testing all your limits to see where our boundaries as your parents lay. I thought about how all I want sometimes is for you to give me a hug, a kiss, or even just to look at me and you choose not to do these things. Then I thought about how that rang so true with my own relationship with God. How much I am just like a toddler.

All God wants from us is a relationship with Him. He desires our love for Him just like I desire your love for me. I laugh to myself because yet again, my wonderful year and half old son, you have taught me about God.

I love you ECT, never stop teaching me and showing me God in you.