It's been a while since I've written, not sure that it's because I'm too busy but we'll say it is. I feel like I'm just playing the waiting game right now. Anticipation is awful, not knowing when it'll happen, if I'll be at work or at home or at church (how funny would that be in the middle of the service?! haha).

I feel like I have to see people and do a lot before the end of September because I feel like I will become a hermit through the end of November! My body has always been okay when dealing with lack of sleep, I mean that's how I lived through high school, but it still scares me because now with a lack of sleep I'll have a human life dependent on me. But I feel so ready for you to be here with me, but in reality I'm not so sure that I really am ready.

I constantly think about things regarding you and how will I know what to do. Aside from knowing when to change a diaper, I think I will be completely lost! I've debated asking your Grandma Milligan to come stay for a while with me to help me get the hang of things, schedules, cries, bath time, feedings, etc. I always wonder how women do this on their own with no previous experience. The most experience I've had is working - rarely - in the baby room when I worked at the preschool ... ohh and babysitting your cousin Austin, but I don't remember babysitting him before he could hold his head up and by then he was pretty well "trained" lol. I don't want people telling me how to do it "right" though, because that just aggravates me, but I know I'll need some help ... so where's that line? I mean I know when to ask for help when I need to, but so many people offer their advice and honestly I just don't really care what they think. Well, maybe not so much that I don't care, but I don't appreciate the way they offer it and make it seem like I'm an idiot who's never seen a baby in her life. If their tone was different I think my attitude about their advice would be different.

I feel like I'm complaining and I don't want to be.

I'm excited because your closet is finally done and I can start putting things away - which I really need to do because I've got another shower tomorrow for you and well, let's put it this way you're already spoiled rotten :) But it's nice because your room is finally coming together and I can't wait to have it all done and ready for you to come home to.

I should probably get back to work, I love you Ethan.