I've been a bad mother and I did it so I wouldn't hurt. I pushed you away because I thought "maybe if I don't spend time with you, I won't be attached, then when I go to work I won't feel so bad about leaving you". I was telling myself that you didn't know me because I was always working and never with you anymore. I lied to myself to keep me from hurting and in turn I hurt you.
Yet, when I realized that I was being selfish and was essentially hurting you more, you took me back with open arms. You accept me with all my fears, faults, and failures with your simple, yet beautiful smile.
Ethan Clyde, I truly love you more than you can imagine. Nothing will ever change that. I'm sorry for my selfish heart. I still don't want to leave you and I hate the fact that I will have to get a second job to bring in money for us, but I do it for you. Don't ever stop smiling at me.
Colleen, you are not a bad mother! That boy smiles at you more than anyone else I've seen!
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