One Month

One Month ... 28 days ... 664 hours (if my math is correct) spent taking care of you.

You've changed my life in so many ways - all of them good. I wouldn't trade any minute of the last month. You've taught me patience. You've shown me a deeper side to love and a deeper side of God.

You've also robbed us of sleep and some peace due to lack of sleep - but you've helped us grow to understand each other and our needs more.

We spent our first day away from you last Saturday - two days before you turned 1 month - it was the hardest thing for me personally as I haven't been away from you since they first placed you in my arms (other than sleeping and daddy occasionally taking you to work so I can get some more sleep ... but I don't count the moments I'm not awake because I don't have to put up with you not being there). It felt like such a long day. I did not like being free, I kept looking for you to be by my side. It drove me nuts knowing you weren't anywhere near me.

1 day old

1 month and 3 days old

One Week

It has been one week since you've entered into our lives. I still can't believe you're finally here, but at the same time it seems like you've always been here. Life is complete. It was like a missing piece I didn't realize was missing, but now if you were gone I don't know what I would do. You are so precious to me. I can't get enough of you. I want to always hold you and love on you. I love that I have two full months with you but I already know it'll be hard to leave you to go back to work. You've already surpassed every dream and preconceived notion I've had of you. You are my world now. I love you Ethan Taylor.

Day 1

Day 2Day 3Day 4Day 5Day 6Day 7

I'm excited for the day when I can give you brothers and sisters and you can share in this excitement with us.

Gilmore Girls - Sookie Overdue Baby

This is how I'm feeling ... Granted I'm not overdue LOL

Rearranging - aka Nesting

I'm not totally sure I'd consider it nesting because I've always enjoyed changing up my room - I think the most I ever moved around my room was 3 times in one year. I get bored very easily. But it also wasn't because I was just "bored". I was trying to figure out the best layout for you - and us. Especially since daddy painted your dresser the same color as the wall we were originally going to put it on. This made it necessary to move things around because it'd be WAY too much aqua-marine blue. Of course now I'm thinking I'm going to have to change the wall decor since it's liable to fall on your head - so many things to consider for your safety!!

This is like the 3rd or 4th time I've rearranged your room though. I do think I'm finally happy with the layout - it'd definitely be nice if there was just a little bit more wall space but I think it's pretty much perfect this way.

As much as I have been saying "Get your butt here now!" and I mean it 'cause I can't wait to see you and hold you and love on you, I need you to wait until we can put the rest of your things away in the dresser. Otherwise you're sharing a bed with a lot of crap ;) haha Ok, I wouldn't REALLY do that to you, but that's where it's being stored right now because I can't put it away!!

Ready and Waiting

As each day passes I think your father gets more and more antsy to meet you. He always asks me "is baby coming today??" Heh, like I have much say so in it! If I did you'd already be here with me!!

We're ready and waiting, and I think that's what really makes us antsy - especially because we just don't know when you'll decide to come! You sure have been causing me pain these last few days - preparing to make your big debut I suppose, but it's driving me nuts because it's like "are you coming or not?!" LOL

Soon.

Soon you'll be in my arms and I can love on you. I will always cherish those moments because I know with boys you grow out of it so fast.

I do hope you come early, you've got a lot of people wanting to meet you and I want you to be able to meet them! If only you knew how much you were loved before anyone "knew" you - I guess that's kind of how God works huh. He loved us before we were even thought of, loved us so much to save us from despair and eternal torture through His Son Jesus.

Being a mom gives you a new perspective, a new understanding of God and His love for us. The love I have for you is something I don't think I've ever been able to experience before and I'm grateful for the chance.

I love you my sweet baby boy. One day soon you will be in this world, in my arms and I can't wait until that day comes.

Anticipation

Your dad is making me anxious and nervous. He keeps saying that you will come on Saturday. So every little thing that changes makes me question "is this it? are you coming?"

I couldn't fall asleep last night because I didn't want to be asleep when it started, not that it'd make much difference because I'm sure Dr. Dalla Riva would say wait until your water breaks or your contractions are so far apart.... I'm just trying to make it to 2:15 tomorrow afternoon when I have my next doc appt. I know you've dropped, my stomach is so much lower - plus you're putting a lot of extra pressure on my muscles under my stomach.

I selfishly want you here now because I just want to hold you. I want to see your face and love on you. I think it'll be hard for me at first to give you away because for once when I have a baby in my arms you'll be mine, all mine and I'll want you all to myself. I've always been the quiet, polite person who will wait their turn to hold the baby - and most times never really get a turn - but now I'll always have a turn because I'll have you with me constantly. Who knows I may get sick of you and make someone else take you ;) haha ... I don't think that'll be possible. I've waited too long for this ... for you.

I never thought I could love someone this much, and in a way I barely know you, but kiddo you're going to be smothered with momma's love! Of that I'm sure!

The Home Stretch

I had the first of my weekly appointments yesterday. The uncomfortableness I've been feeling made me hoping to hear something like "should be anytime now!" from the doctor, but after my exam those hopes were dashed - which isn't a bad thing by any means, the longer I have you in me the better it really is, I'm just at the impatient point. He did explain why I am so uncomfortable, your pushing against my ribs!! Although it's made it much more enjoyable to feel you moving around. I now know that that bump on my right side I'm pushing back at is your foot - maybe this will turn into a Mommy & Me game? :)

We had a small accident in your room last night - luckily you weren't there, and no one else as well. We knew we needed to anchor that shelf thing to the wall, just hadn't gotten to that point yet - guess God was trying to tell us to quit putting things off!! Unfortunately it broke your lamp, but hopefully we'll get the one off the registry!

These last few weeks seem to be dragging - it's not helping that I'm not working as much so I'm just lazing about the house all day!! But it's nice to be able to relax and work and try and finish some projects before you get here. I wonder how much you really will change our lives. How much time we'll have for ourselves, how the dogs will handle you - and you'll handle them! Good thing they're going through training right now so they won't be as wild when you get here. They're both doing good, Humphrey's taking a little longer to learn though, but that doesn't surprise me at all! :)

We're all very excited to meet you Ethan, please don't wait too long to come! <3